Ladies Topless Soccer - Not For Me!

I read somewhere that they had an international soccer match for topless women players.
I believe it was Austria versus Germany, but I could be wrong.
Now I am open-minded, I am a guy, I should LOVE this, right?
WRONG! - and here's why. If we look at the boobs of women (and I do, believe me, I do!) then we see that there are several things that might be regarded as 'constants' as far as trends go, and these are:
Some chicks have big ones
Some chicks have small ones.
Most chicks who have small ones would prefer them to be bigger (never could understand that insecurity problem)
Some chicks who play sports are young
Some chicks who play sports are somewhat older.
Chicks who are secure emotionally are likely to have big ones, and be older.
Therefore, and here comes my thinking on this - there is strong possibility that there will be more big boobed older players than any other category.
Now, what happens when chicks with big boobs get older? The boobs become heavy hangers, that's what.
Sure, I would be entertained, like for about 30 seconds. (Unless there were some small boobed ones in there, then I could spend the whole match waiting for the play for those players coming near to my side of the field)
I mean, it is like a trip in a speed boat. Lots of initial thrills, but it soon gets boring.
If there is one thing I can do without watching, it is a bunch of topless (and possibly hairy-armpitted) Euro-chicks playing a game I hate to watch anyway, and in so doing get me worried that they might be doing injury to their boobies in the process.
Now, mud-wrestling, yes. Maybe Pole-vaulting, where there is only one flap of the boobies. Gymnastics, definitely - just out of interest.
But topless soccer, no thanks.